His name was Zeus, and he was a black lab. He turned 15 on Valentine’s Day. In his last year, he suffered a degenerative
hip, atrophied muscles of his hindquarters, a tumor on his left flank the size
of a softball, and probably cancer. He
was deaf and nearly blind. If he laid
down on a hardwood or linoleum floor, we had to lift him so he could regain his
footing. My heart broke every time I
watched the old guy hobble to his food or water bowls, and I winced each time he
moaned or cried. So it was time to end
it, and today was that day.
With help from my son, we lifted him into the back of the
car, and I drove to the vets alone. My
wife offered to come, but I knew she really couldn’t bear it, and it would be
better for me if I didn’t have to watch her suffer on the trip home. I learned long ago that I prefer to grieve
alone, although when I returned home, my wife and I had our sorrowful moments
over Zeus.
Soon after Zeus and I entered the patient room, a tech came
in with paper work and said cheerily: “So, this is Stormy?” I told her no, this is Zeus. “Oh.
Sorry”. Geesh lady, let’s not put
Stormy down and then return to clip Zeus’s nails. After the vet administered the drug, he was
gone in 10 seconds. He was lying on the
floor and he put his head slowly down as the drug coursed through his body, and
he then looked exactly like he did when he was sleeping on the floor at
home. Quiet, peaceful, uneventful. They left me alone with him for a few minutes
while I said my feeble goodbye to a dog who couldn’t even hear me when he was
alive. But I had to say something. I guess we all do.
I have thought a lot about dogs over the past few years. To be honest, most of the time I secretly object
to the entire phenomenon of dogs and cats as pets (see my earlier blog about
cats as killers of wildlife). The way
most people pamper their pets actually disgusts me. In decades past, when I was a child, dogs
were rarely kept in their owners’ houses; they were considered too dirty. We kept them in dog houses outside. Remember those? For better or worse, we have come a long
way. And then there is this. In 2016, Americans spent $62 billion on these
family pets! $62 billion to purchase
them, and for food, toys, collars, leashes, grooming, flea and tick medicine,
occasional kenneling and, of course, the never-ending vet bills. As I write this, teachers in West Virginia
are on strike for higher pay and better benefits, but they are meeting voluntarily
every day to pack lunches for their poor, hungry students who are now missing
that essential meal because their school is closed. What a pathetic state of affairs. No civilized country should be able to report
such a fact. So I think of what $62
billion could do to address both of those problems, and I lament. But, of course, money is never fungible in
that way.
We all love our pets, and I loved Zeus. On the other hand, I was often impatient with
him and angry when he relieved himself in the house, or woke us up in the
middle of the night, or had to be let out AGAIN, or wouldn’t come when I called
to him, or when I tripped over him lying on the floor when I made that
important first cup of morning Joe, or when my wife and I decided not to travel
because of “the dog”. And the hair. Blackish hair—everywhere, all the time.
But now, I already miss hearing his toe nails clicking down the hallway, the feel of his velvet ears, and the look of those eyes, which were huge for a lab, when he tried to make sense of my human gibberish. One minute I loved him, and the next minute his existence irritated me. What a confounded and complicated set of emotions come with pet territory. I have concluded that I love dogs, but dislike being a dog owner.
But now, I already miss hearing his toe nails clicking down the hallway, the feel of his velvet ears, and the look of those eyes, which were huge for a lab, when he tried to make sense of my human gibberish. One minute I loved him, and the next minute his existence irritated me. What a confounded and complicated set of emotions come with pet territory. I have concluded that I love dogs, but dislike being a dog owner.
Will I ever get another dog?
No. I’ve had dogs since I was
about five years old, probably eight or nine. I’ve done my time. I don’t want another dog for all the reasons of
inconvenience and financial costs that I’ve mentioned already. But the main reason I will never have another
dog is that I can not bear to lose a friend after they have gotten into your
heart and become a part of your soul. Why
invite that kind of sadness voluntarily into our lives when there is sadness in
abundance already? I simply can’t do it
again.
I feel your pain and agree with your decision about your future with another dog - I made the same decision after lost 2 - now we enjoy the pets of family and friends
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